I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
