Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
