so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
