New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
