This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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