Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
