it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
