Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think people are normalizing furries
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
