So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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