guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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