She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
