So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
