Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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