i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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