My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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