Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
