I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
