I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
