It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
