Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
