just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
