Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
