This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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