we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
