Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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