I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
