I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
