i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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