My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
