I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
