Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
