i don't like sucking hair
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
