So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
