she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize