peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i think my cat just said my name.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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