If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
