Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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