well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
