Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
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