You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
he's gonorrhea incarnate
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
