Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
