fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
