just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
