I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
