I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
