I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
