I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
