our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning