She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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