the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
