Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
