Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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