well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We don't watch enough power rangers
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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