we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
