Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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