I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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