I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This is the high leading the old right now
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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