I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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