I'm really into asian looking animals
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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