honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
