Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Randomize
