dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
