Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
