Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
