Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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