come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
we should paint friendship bongs
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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