i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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