So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize
