the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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